Cheesy Jokes And Serious Thoughts About Thanksgiving

  

This is probably my favorite cheesy joke of all time.

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? The couldn't fit the moose in the oven.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Take him out for pizza and ice cream.
What did the turkey say to the hunter? Quack! Quack! Quack!

Teacher: Where did the Pilgrims come from? Student: Their parents, of course.

Time for a little serious talk about the Pilgrims. Let's delineate: they were not the Puritans. It was the Puritans and Henry VIII-inspired later purges that began the 'off with their head' programs that sent the Pilgrims, and groups like them, to the Netherlands, and later, to Virginia (woops, Plymouth Rock.) The Pilgrims were in search of religious freedom, and not only accepted help from the Wampanoag tribe--local Native Americans--but intermarried with them over the next few generations because so many of the Pilgrim group died the first year after they arrived in 1620. Many members of the Pilgrims left Massuchusetts during the Puritan's religious purges, like the Salem Witch Trials, and went to Rhode Island. The English have a dynamic history of religious freedom, for example, William Tyndale who translated the Bible into the English language and was martyred as a rebel. We have religious freedom now due to this legacy. Thousands of Americans have genetic ties to the Pilgrims (DNA evidence now shows) and that information is something to treasure. Now we live the liberty for ourselves and offer it to others.

What kind of music did the Pilgrims play?
Plymouth Rock and Roll.

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks.

What do you call the dirt on a Pilgrim's hands?
Pilgrime.


 What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a spooky spirit?
A poultrygeist.


What's brown and white and flies all over?
A turkey when you carve it with a chainsaw.


How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
One, but you really have to squeeze him in.

Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose.

Why did the glutton get a traffic ticket on Thanksgiving?
He was exceeding the feed limit.

 Grandma: What would you like for dessert, Joey?
Joey: Pumpkin pie!
 Grandma: Pumpkin pie, what, dear? Say the magic word. 
Joey: I'm sorry, Grandma. Pumpkin pie, abracadabra!

 What is Math teachers favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner?
Pumpkin Pi.






Knock, knock, who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any leftovers?

What would you get if you crossed Easter and Thanksgiving?
Feaster Sunday.

What's the key to a great Thanksgiving?
A tur-key, of course.

This is my second favorite cheesy joke of all time.

Cheesy Jokes and Serious Thoughts About Thanksgiving

 

This is probably my favorite cheesy joke of all time.

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? The couldn't fit the moose in the oven.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Take him out for pizza and ice cream.
What did the turkey say to the hunter? Quack! Quack! Quack!

Teacher: Where did the Pilgrims come from? Student: Their parents, of course.

Time for a little serious talk about the Pilgrims. Let's delineate: they were not the Puritans. It was the Puritans and Henry VIII-inspired later purges that began the 'off with their head' programs that sent the Pilgrims, and groups like them, to the Netherlands, and later, to Virginia (woops, Plymouth Rock.) The Pilgrims were in search of religious freedom, and not only accepted help from the Wampanoag tribe--local Native Americans--but intermarried with them over the next few generations because so many of the Pilgrim group died the first year after they arrived in 1620. Many members of the Pilgrims left Massuchusetts during the Puritan's religious purges, like the Salem Witch Trials, and went to Rhode Island. The English have a dynamic history of religious freedom, for example, William Tyndale who translated the Bible into the English language and was martyred as a rebel. We have religious freedom now due to this legacy. Thousands of Americans have genetic ties to the Pilgrims (DNA evidence now shows) and that information is something to treasure. Now we live the liberty for ourselves and offer it to others.

What kind of music did the Pilgrims play?
Plymouth Rock and Roll.

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks.

What do you call the dirt on a Pilgrim's hands?
Pilgrime.


 What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a spooky spirit?
A poultrygeist.


What's brown and white and flies all over?
A turkey when you carve it with a chainsaw.


How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
One, but you really have to squeeze him in.

Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose.

Why did the glutton get a traffic ticket on Thanksgiving?
He was exceeding the feed limit.

 Grandma: What would you like for dessert, Joey?
Joey: Pumpkin pie!
 Grandma: Pumpkin pie, what, dear? Say the magic word. 
Joey: I'm sorry, Grandma. Pumpkin pie, abracadabra!

 What is Math teachers favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner?
Pumpkin Pi.






Knock, knock, who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any leftovers?

What would you get if you crossed Easter and Thanksgiving?
Feaster Sunday.

What's the key to a great Thanksgiving?
A tur-key, of course.

This is my second favorite cheesy joke of all time.

All American Cheesy Jokes and Serious Thoughts

Hurrah for the red, white and silly. And Garfield has just the lighthearted touch we sometimes need.

Try not to turn each of these jokes and riddles into too much of an opportunity to teach, though with younger children, you might have some 'splaining to do, Lucy.

Teacher: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Student: On the bottom.

Teacher: The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia. True or false?
Student: False. It was written in ink.

What did Paul Revere say at the end of his ride? I've got to get a softer saddle.

And just to be teachery, don't forget Longfellow's adventuresome poem, 'The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere.' It's so cheesy, kids love it.

Embarrassed someone saw my crack.

Keep in torch!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell? Yeah, it cracked me up.

What did the visitor say as he left the Statue of Liberty? Keep in torch.

What did one flag say to another--nothing, it just waved.

'What kind of tea do Americans thirst for? Liber--ty. Ha ha.'

                                    What colonists told the most jokes? Punsylvanians.

Very good read.

Now for a serious thought. The greatest founding father, in my opinion, was John Adams. He supported all citizens, and did not believe in slavery, not a bit. He and his family had no connection with slavery at all. He argued in  the Continental Congress for the abolition of slavery, foreseeing the schism it would cause in a new America; which it surely did in the Civil War. He and his wife Abigail supported integration in their home town of Braintree, Massuchusetts, in the local school. John Adams had the education, brilliance and insight to see that the colonies needed to empower all the people no matter what; he worried that the British would treat the American colonies as they had Ireland. He was humble enough to recommend Thomas Jefferson be the compiler and writer of the Congress' thoughts, but historians know it was Adams who was the prime thinker. He was an innovative diplomat, a President who would see the big picture, and a faithful and loving husband and father. I think the latter should count for a lot. Thank you, John Adams, for taking care of baby America.

Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other. John Adams

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/john_adams_2.html?gclid=CJ6mndnM8rACFSQbQgodry

Cheesy Jokes and Serious Thoughts About Easter

Confession is good for the soul, it is said. And I confess I do love the 'chocolate' holiday season from Halloween to Christmas to Valentine's Day to Easter. Cadbury has the queen of treats, the Creme Egg, appearing only at Easter. 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I'm not alone. It is just too much fun decorating baskets with that eternal Easter grass (it never goes away, it's like glitter), and coloring the eggs the old fashioned way with vinegar, etc. The images of bunnies and chicks and ducklings are cute, even better than Santa who has a list and checks it twice. No unconditional love from him! And this is an outside sport, temps in the 70s, with light breezes, egg hunting, spring clothes and bonnets, blooming Easter Lilies. Well, at least here in SoCal.

I did see a puddy tat!

Not one of Woodstock's, I'm guessing.

The secularization of this holiday makes it acceptable to everyone. Afterall, anthropologists say that all peoples celebrated the return of spring after the difficulties of winter.

http://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/march-equinox-traditions.html

Coaxing a smile from Eeyore.

Familiar pop-culture figures dominate all 
holidays now, and this is a word that used to mean 'holy-day.' Have we lost anything by this transformation?  Is the concept of the sacred now forbidden? Teachers carefully appreciate the separation of church and state in a public school. But everywhere?

Easter is the most secularized of the holidays in the USA, and ironically, the most important for Christians acknowledging the death and resurrection of Jesus. Question: how can we honor the rights of all and permit our students to express their beliefs in public and private?

This is not a student of mine. He is a model.

Here in SoCal this year it has become a fashion statement for middle school boys to wear rosaries as necklaces.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosary

 And not only the latino kids. I've asked some of them what it means to them; sometimes they say it means they are Mexican, sometimes they tell me it is about their faith. Some say they just think it looks cool. So far, this practice has not been considered a dress code violation. In other places, it is dress code.

Amarillo ISD Student Wears Rosary Beads, Violates Dress Code, Arrested

http://www.everythinglubbock.com/story/d/story/-/2y_mYNc72ESSBDmVsYGvgA 

Can I wear clothing that communicates a political or religious message?

http://www.riaclu.org/know-your-rights/pamphlets/know-your-rights-school-dress-codes 

So why so serious, MzTeachuh, and where are the silly Garfield jokes? OK, here we go.

What do you need if your Cadbury Creme Eggs suddenly disappear?

You need an eggsplanation.

Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs? From Eggplants.

How is the Easter Bunny like Kobe Bryant?

They're both famous for stuffing baskets.

Q: What does the Easter Bunny get for making a basket?

A: Two points, just like anyone else.

Q: How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?

A: Eggs mark the spot! 

Did you hear the one about the fifty-pound jelly bean?

It was pretty hard to swallow

Why do we paint Easter eggs?

Because it is too hard to wallpaper them.

What does the White House do when there are too many undiscovered Easter eggs on the South Lawn?

Call an eggstermi-nator.

What is the title of the rabbit in charge of the distribution of Easter eggs?

Chief of Hoperations.




I am a huge fan of the Cadbury Creme Egg Bunny, and was charmed when I found one I could buy as an Easter Bunny. A stuffed one that cackles like a chicken, not a real one.

So, enjoy these animal actors. Why is there no Emmy or Oscar for animal actors?

Cadbury Bunny Ad - Chocolate 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ev2eOXtDN6g

Cheesy Jokes and Serious Thoughts for Valentine's Day

 

What did the boy bird say to the girl bird?

Garfield is one of my closest friends. The alarm goes off around 4:30 am, I reach for the laptop and see what Garfield is up to. As a substitute teacher, I would bribe the class with his jokes. I'd draw his picture on the board, put the questions to the riddle up and tell the kids I wouldn't give them the punchline unless...the whole class could be complete 15 minutes of work, or be good until recess, or clean up the class. Whatever needed to be done. The rascalliest students really wanted the joke, so everyone would cooperate. I told them I wasn't sure if it was even legal to keep a punchline from them, it seemed like cruel and unusual punishment (but I never had to withhold a punchline ever.) Humor is a great break in the authoritarian regimen; and puns do teach language arts in their multiple meaning words. Oh, the punchline: let me call you Tweetheart. Maybe to be current I should change the riddle to, 'What did the boy bird text to the girl bird?'

Let me call you Tweetheart.

http://med.stanford.edu/ism/2012/january/reiss.html
 “Humor is a very important component of emotional health, maintaining relationships, developing cognitive function and perhaps even medical health,” said Allan Reiss, MD, who directs the Center for Interdisciplinary Brain Sciences Research at Stanford. Most of us know the ancient proverb, 'A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.' Leave it to Stanford to use an MRI to prove it! They hooked up kids and showed them funny and nonfunny material. I wonder how these jokes would do.

If you don't like cheese, don't read these!

Here is some more silly:

Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?
It was a case of guppy love.

Why was the rabbit so happy on Valentine's Day?

Because some bunny loved him.

What did one piece of string say to the other piece of string?
Please be my valentwine!

What did one volcano say to another on Valentine's Day?

I lava you.

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche.

What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine's Day?
Hogs and kisses.

What did Frankenstein ask his girlfriend?
Won't you be my Valenstein?

What is serious about this holiday is that some of our students are in difficult circumstances due to stressors in their families. They can't write a valentine to mom or dad or other relatives. They may be in the middle of a family break up, in foster care, or suffered a great loss. Our job is to be aware of this, first of all, and maybe have an additional activity to take the edge off the intensity of the student's actual life. Maybe valentines to mail to troops overseas, or to a local nursing home or hospital. Maybe a writing project to write an anecdote of  a time someone showed kindness and love to the student. This could be emotional, but also cathartic. Life is tough, and the facade of the perfect family life is very difficult at times for many kids. Recalling a time of warmth and stability can be a positive moment on a dark day. I've had unique class situations where we could share such a writing project in discussion, and the other students were very supportive.

                                             

Thanks, Garfield and other silly souls for keeping it real. Real silly.
                                                          

Cheesy Jokes and Serious Thoughts for Christmas

What has four legs, a red nose and flies?   Rudolf the Red-Nosed Roadkill.

What is Frosty's favorite dinner?

Spaghetti and snowballs.

                                          Where doe Santa keep his red suit?   
 In his Santa Clauset.

 Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Earl.

Earl who?

Earl I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.

                                                     Why does Santa use reindeer to pull his sleigh?

                                Because the elephants kept crashing through the roof.

What is the best Christmas carol in the Twilight movies?

I'm Dreaming of a Bite Christmas.

What has a red suit, a white beard and rows of razor sharp teeth? Santa Jaws.

What would you call your wedding anniversary if it was December 25th?

A Marry Christmas.

Who had a beard, webbed feet and wrote "A Christmas Carol?"

Charles Duckens.

What do you call being caught in a chimney with a fat man?

Santa Claustrophobia.

 What happened when the family cat swallowed some tinsel?

He needed a tinselectomy.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Anna. 

Anna who?

Anna partridge in a pear tree.

Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

What is Santa's favorite American state?
Idaho-ho-ho.

Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.

Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary. 

This is for English teachers. 
Q: What do you call Santa's Helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses

What is the snowman’s breakfast?
Answer: Frosted flakes!

How do snowmen greet each other?
Answer : Ice to meet you!

You just had to know eventually I would get to the funny cat pics.

Now for the serious talk. Christmas is a full on holiday--it smells good (catch that scent from the cinnamon pine cones?), looks sparkly and cute (lights up again), feels cozy  (snuggly blankets in front of the fire with hot cocoa or wassail), tastes yummy (yeah, bite the head off that gingerbread man!), sounds great (all types of music singing cheer and closeness and holiday, etc.) It is entertaining with endless gifts,  movies and music and fun.

Except for that annoying bell the Salvation Army persists in ringing at the front of stores. That is so annoying to be bugged to give to the less fortunate. The homeless, or impaired, or orphaned--is that my business? 

Shouldn't we have a right not to have them bug us? Isn't that the separation of church and state? I don't need all that Jesus stuff at this holiday, like giving to the poor, or kindness to strangers if I don't wish to. Peace and forgiveness. That's my business. Condemnation for behavior that's nobody's business but mine. And I shouldn't have to be reminded on a public street. At school Jesus and all that radical Christian stuff has been eradicated. When can I finally have a secular holiday?

Well, first of all the very word holiday is rooted from holyday.  A day to meditate on the spiritual side of life. Christmas means Christ worship in the old days. He is still memorialized as the greatest teacher who ever lived, the proclaimer of brotherhood, kindness and conscience. All the major religions admire him. Why is he considered so irritating to some Americans?

He was an all or nothing sort of person. You were with him or not. He was who he said he was or not. No in between. Forgiveness, purity, mercy. Very, very hard precepts. It is hard to hang with Jesus. Its all or nothing with Christ.

Students in public schools who profess Christianity are in danger of having their civil rights violated by some administrators and staff who find the message of Christ to be very irritating--not only those horrendous ten commandments, but that part about not lusting or lying  and giving to the poor and such. These leaders will nail kids for even saying, 'Merry Christmas.' 

Not much holiday spirit there. Or tolerance. I've observed it first hand towards kids and staff. I was told even playing Handel's Messiah was against the separation of church and state. So, I chose to play it anyway, thinking you have to take a stand sometimes. Might as well be Handel. No problems arose. No lawsuits.

It is our obligation as a democracy to extend tolerance to all. Even the annoying, I-Am-The-Only-Way Jesus, and his followers.