What has four legs, a red nose and flies? Rudolf the Red-Nosed Roadkill.
What is Frosty's favorite dinner?
Spaghetti and snowballs.
Where doe Santa keep his red suit? In his Santa Clauset.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Earl.
Earl who?
Earl I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
Why does Santa use reindeer to pull his sleigh?
Because the elephants kept crashing through the roof.
What is the best Christmas carol in the Twilight movies?
I'm Dreaming of a Bite Christmas.
What has a red suit, a white beard and rows of razor sharp teeth? Santa Jaws.
What would you call your wedding anniversary if it was December 25th?
A Marry Christmas.
Who had a beard, webbed feet and wrote "A Christmas Carol?"
What do you call being caught in a chimney with a fat man?
Santa Claustrophobia.
What happened when the family cat swallowed some tinsel?
He needed a tinselectomy.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Anna.
Anna who?
Anna partridge in a pear tree.
Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
What is Santa's favorite American state?
Idaho-ho-ho.
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.
Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary.
This is for English teachers.
Q: What do you call Santa's Helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses
What is the snowman’s breakfast?
Answer: Frosted flakes!
How do snowmen greet each other?
Answer : Ice to meet you!You just had to know eventually I would get to the funny cat pics.
Now for the serious talk. Christmas is a full on holiday--it smells good (catch that scent from the cinnamon pine cones?), looks sparkly and cute (lights up again), feels cozy (snuggly blankets in front of the fire with hot cocoa or wassail), tastes yummy (yeah, bite the head off that gingerbread man!), sounds great (all types of music singing cheer and closeness and holiday, etc.) It is entertaining with endless gifts, movies and music and fun.
Except for that annoying bell the Salvation Army persists in ringing at the front of stores. That is so annoying to be bugged to give to the less fortunate. The homeless, or impaired, or orphaned--is that my business?
Shouldn't we have a right not to have them bug us? Isn't that the separation of church and state? I don't need all that Jesus stuff at this holiday, like giving to the poor, or kindness to strangers if I don't wish to. Peace and forgiveness. That's my business. Condemnation for behavior that's nobody's business but mine. And I shouldn't have to be reminded on a public street. At school Jesus and all that radical Christian stuff has been eradicated. When can I finally have a secular holiday?
Well, first of all the very word holiday is rooted from holyday. A day to meditate on the spiritual side of life. Christmas means Christ worship in the old days. He is still memorialized as the greatest teacher who ever lived, the proclaimer of brotherhood, kindness and conscience. All the major religions admire him. Why is he considered so irritating to some Americans?
He was an all or nothing sort of person. You were with him or not. He was who he said he was or not. No in between. Forgiveness, purity, mercy. Very, very hard precepts. It is hard to hang with Jesus. Its all or nothing with Christ.
Students in public schools who profess Christianity are in danger of having their civil rights violated by some administrators and staff who find the message of Christ to be very irritating--not only those horrendous ten commandments, but that part about not lusting or lying and giving to the poor and such. These leaders will nail kids for even saying, 'Merry Christmas.'
Not much holiday spirit there. Or tolerance. I've observed it first hand towards kids and staff. I was told even playing Handel's Messiah was against the separation of church and state. So, I chose to play it anyway, thinking you have to take a stand sometimes. Might as well be Handel. No problems arose. No lawsuits.
It is our obligation as a democracy to extend tolerance to all. Even the annoying, I-Am-The-Only-Way Jesus, and his followers.
Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
