Cheesy Jokes and Serious Thoughts for Valentine's Day

  

What did the boy bird say to the girl bird?

Garfield is one of my closest friends. The alarm goes off around 4:30 am, I reach for the laptop and see what Garfield is up to. As a substitute teacher, I would bribe the class with his jokes. I'd draw his picture on the board, put the questions to the riddle up and tell the kids I wouldn't give them the punchline unless...the whole class could be complete 15 minutes of work, or be good until recess, or clean up the class. Whatever needed to be done. The rascalliest students really wanted the joke, so everyone would cooperate. I told them I wasn't sure if it was even legal to keep a punchline from them, it seemed like cruel and unusual punishment (but I never had to withhold a punchline ever.) Humor is a great break in the authoritarian regimen; and puns do teach language arts in their multiple meaning words. Oh, the punchline: let me call you Tweetheart. Maybe to be current I should change the riddle to, 'What did the boy bird text to the girl bird?'

Let me call you Tweetheart.

http://med.stanford.edu/ism/2012/january/reiss.html
 “Humor is a very important component of emotional health, maintaining relationships, developing cognitive function and perhaps even medical health,” said Allan Reiss, MD, who directs the Center for Interdisciplinary Brain Sciences Research at Stanford. Most of us know the ancient proverb, 'A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.' Leave it to Stanford to use an MRI to prove it! They hooked up kids and showed them funny and nonfunny material. I wonder how these jokes would do.

If you don't like cheese, don't read these!

Here is some more silly:

Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?
It was a case of guppy love.

Why was the rabbit so happy on Valentine's Day?

Because some bunny loved him.

What did one piece of string say to the other piece of string?
Please be my valentwine!

What did one volcano say to another on Valentine's Day?

I lava you.

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche.

What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine's Day?
Hogs and kisses.

What did Frankenstein ask his girlfriend?
Won't you be my Valenstein?

What is serious about this holiday is that some of our students are in difficult circumstances due to stressors in their families. They can't write a valentine to mom or dad or other relatives. They may be in the middle of a family break up, in foster care, or suffered a great loss. Our job is to be aware of this, first of all, and maybe have an additional activity to take the edge off the intensity of the student's actual life. Maybe valentines to mail to troops overseas, or to a local nursing home or hospital. Maybe a writing project to write an anecdote of  a time someone showed kindness and love to the student. This could be emotional, but also cathartic. Life is tough, and the facade of the perfect family life is very difficult at times for many kids. Recalling a time of warmth and stability can be a positive moment on a dark day. I've had unique class situations where we could share such a writing project in discussion, and the other students were very supportive.

                                             

Thanks, Garfield and other silly souls for keeping it real. Real silly.

This is actually true.

MLK Quotes: #1-22

 

MLK Quotes: #1 

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-1.html 

MLK Quotes: #2 

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quote-2.html 

MLK Quotes: #3 

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-3.html 

MLK Quotes: #4 

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-4.html 

 MLK Quotes: #5

 http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-5.html

MLK Quotes: # 6

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-6.html 

MLK Quotes: # 7

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-7.html

 MLK Quotes: # 8

 http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-8.html

MLK Quotes: # 9

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-9.html 

MLK Quotes: # 10

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-10.html

MLK Quotes: #11

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-11.html 

MLK Quotes: # 12

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-12.html 

MLK Quote: #13

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quote-13.html 

MLK Quotes: # 14

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-14.html 

MLK Quotes: #15

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-15.html

 MLK Quotes: # 16

 http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-16.html

MLK Quotes: # 17

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-17.html 

MLK Quote: #18

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quote-18.html 

MLK Quote: #19

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quote-19.html 

MLK Quote: # 21

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quote-21.html 

MLK Quotes: #22

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2014/01/mlk-quotes-22.html 

Teachable Moment: Dr. Martin Luther King

 

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. galvanized the Civil Rights Movement of the 1950's and 1960's due to his remarkable courage and unsurpassed eloquence.  He was right: those who were on the opposing  side of the argument were revealed as hideous, sadistic monsters. They still are. 

Unspeakable atrocities preceded and follow Dr. King's time of leadership. His actions and words still call forth men and women, boys and girls of all demographics to seek equality in America. And the price could be high.

When Dr. King gave his immortal, 'I Have A Dream' speech, he ignited dreams among all ethnicities, genders, religions, and students.  Hearing it is a profound experience. Please have your students listen. It is probably the most important speech given in the twentieth century, and given by a future winner of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Here is a resource to hear the "I Have A Dream" Speech on American Rhetoric.

Teachable Moment: "I Have A Dream" Speech Anniversary Today 
http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2012/08/american-rhetoric-great-resource-for.html 

Here is an excerpt from my blog "Books to Soothe Kids' Toxic Stress" http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2012/01/books-to-sooth-kids-toxic-stress.html

A third grader, small for his age, could really run fast during practice for his elementary school's Olympic Day. It was his way to shine. His tennies were worn out, so Teacher got him a new pair at  Wal-Mart. He made the school proud. This school district was low income, and located near a federal prison, therefore many families were in the area to be living nearby to visit relatives. The little boy also worked very hard at reading, writing, and math, including those impossible fractions. After the January 19th holiday, he asked Teacher, "Why don't they make Dr. Martin Luther King bedsheets? They make them for Superman." He had chosen the better hero.

This is a true story, and I hope the little guy is now a grown, happy, and functional adult, since I last had him at school in 1995.  He had the odds against him, but hopefully some encouragement from reading in school has remained with him.

http://www.amazon.com/Martins-Big-Words-Martin-Luther/dp/0786807148

This story of Dr. King and his profound words will be like miracle grow to the young soul, no matter what color his skin may be.

Teachable Moment: Book Review: Martin's Big Words 

http://mzteachuh.blogspot.com/2012/03/book-review-martins-big-words.html 

There are excellent resources to inform students about Dr. Martin Luther, King. 

March on Washington: Throngs mark 'I Have a Dream' anniversary

 http://www.cnn.com/2013/08/24/us/march-on-washington/?hpt=hp_inthenews

March on Washington's 50th anniversary commemoration draws tens of thousands

 http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-250_162-57599979/march-on-washingtons-50th-anniversary-commemoration-draws-tens-of-thousands/

 And some posters and quotes.

 

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

 The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.

 I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.

 We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive.    

 Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.

I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.

 Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?' 

 I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

MLK aged seven. Do you have one in your first grade? Maybe your eighth grade class, or your American History class?

Cheesy Jokes and Serious Thoughts for Christmas

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    What has four legs, a red nose and flies?   Rudolf the Red-Nosed Roadkill.

What is Frosty's favorite dinner?

Spaghetti and snowballs.

                                          Where doe Santa keep his red suit?    In his Santa Clauset.

 Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Earl.

Earl who?

Earl I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.

                                                     Why does Santa use reindeer to pull his sleigh?

                                Because the elephants kept crashing through the roof.

What is the best Christmas carol in the Twilight movies?

I'm Dreaming of a Bite Christmas.

What has a red suit, a white beard and rows of razor sharp teeth? Santa Jaws.

What would you call your wedding anniversary if it was December 25th?

A Marry Christmas.

Who had a beard, webbed feet and wrote "A Christmas Carol?"

Charles Duckens.

What do you call being caught in a chimney with a fat man?

Santa Claustrophobia.

 What happened when the family cat swallowed some tinsel?

He needed a tinselectomy.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Anna. 

Anna who?

Anna partridge in a pear tree.

Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

What is Santa's favorite American state?
Idaho-ho-ho.

Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.

Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary. 

This is for English teachers. 
Q: What do you call Santa's Helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses

What is the snowman’s breakfast?
Answer: Frosted flakes!

How do snowmen greet each other?
Answer : Ice to meet you!

You just had to know eventually I would get to the funny cat pics.

Now for the serious talk. Christmas is a full on holiday--it smells good (catch that scent from the cinnamon pine cones?), looks sparkly and cute (lights up again), feels cozy  (snuggly blankets in front of the fire with hot cocoa or wassail), tastes yummy (yeah, bite the head off that gingerbread man!), sounds great (all types of music singing cheer and closeness and holiday, etc.) It is entertaining with endless gifts,  movies and music and fun.

Except for that annoying bell the Salvation Army persists in ringing at the front of stores. That is so annoying to be bugged to give to the less fortunate. The homeless, or impaired, or orphaned--is that my business? 

Shouldn't we have a right not to have them bug us? Isn't that the separation of church and state? I don't need all that Jesus stuff at this holiday, like giving to the poor, or kindness to strangers if I don't wish to. Peace and forgiveness. That's my business. Condemnation for behavior that's nobody's business but mine. And I shouldn't have to be reminded on a public street. At school Jesus and all that radical Christian stuff has been eradicated. When can I finally have a secular holiday?

Well, first of all the very word holiday is rooted from holyday.  A day to meditate on the spiritual side of life. Christmas means Christ worship in the old days. He is still memorialized as the greatest teacher who ever lived, the proclaimer of brotherhood, kindness and conscience. All the major religions admire him. Why is he considered so irritating to some Americans?

He was an all or nothing sort of person. You were with him or not. He was who he said he was or not. No in between. Forgiveness, purity, mercy. Very, very hard precepts. It is hard to hang with Jesus. Its all or nothing with Christ.

Students in public schools who profess Christianity are in danger of having their civil rights violated by some administrators and staff who find the message of Christ to be very irritating--not only those horrendous ten commandments, but that part about not lusting or lying  and giving to the poor and such. These leaders will nail kids for even saying, 'Merry Christmas.' 

Not much holiday spirit there. Or tolerance. I've observed it first hand towards kids and staff. I was told even playing Handel's Messiah was against the separation of church and state. So, I chose to play it anyway, thinking you have to take a stand sometimes. Might as well be Handel. No problems arose. No lawsuits.

It is our obligation as a democracy to extend tolerance to all. Even the annoying, I-Am-The-Only-Way Jesus, and his followers.

MzTeachuh's Meditations You Are Able

  

We have one challenge after another. That is life. When these super tasks rise up, there are are few steps we can remember to finish strong and satisfied.

You Are Able

...because God will clarify what you need to do. Situations can be complex, but the Lord will give you a verse, a thought or plan, or a helper who has expertise to help you in your progress. The Holy Spirit is quite the analyst and loves to help.

You Are Able

...because God gives strength. At times, we don't even realize we have a deficit. And there are times we feel completely inadequate. Either way, The Holy Spirit in His gentle way will show us how to improve our ability to function.  It is humbling, of course. But mostly, it is a relief to understand we can do better and why. Maybe our schedule needs adjusting. More sleep, healthier food. Maybe we need to recognize limitations and adjust the workload Get help in a deficit area. Math? Organization? People skills? Ask God for help. Then ask people for it,

You Are Able

...because you can finish. Some days finishing the afternoon is tough and you are in a project of months. Fortunately, we live one moment at a time. When Jesus said,"Take no thought for tomorrow," He meant, "Take no anxious thought for tomorrow." One minute at a time. We have organized with contingencies (see above how the Holy Spirit helps us plan) and even if we are slogging through- get rest, eat healthy, and finish. If you get bored, lose interest or are distracted, the Holy Spirit is going to remind you to finish the task. We can ignore that or not, but having made the commitment and investment already, go ahead and keep at it, Really long term commitments are difficult. What do you need to be able to finish? A Brain Break? A vaycay? A hug? Pray about your feelings and the situation. You are able to finish. You will finish. It's not forever, it only feels like it.

Romans 8 is packed full of encouragement. Check it out.

AudioBible.com

https://audiobible.com/bible/romans_8.html?srsltid=AfmBOorgiIIpbXOeB21Bbr2M1awZx0H_o3tXqZKTp-T5Z23F7nR-4AFP

Cheesy Jokes And Serious Thoughts About Thanksgiving

  

This is probably my favorite cheesy joke of all time.

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? The couldn't fit the moose in the oven.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Take him out for pizza and ice cream.
What did the turkey say to the hunter? Quack! Quack! Quack!

Teacher: Where did the Pilgrims come from? Student: Their parents, of course.

Time for a little serious talk about the Pilgrims. Let's delineate: they were not the Puritans. It was the Puritans and Henry VIII-inspired later purges that began the 'off with their head' programs that sent the Pilgrims, and groups like them, to the Netherlands, and later, to Virginia (woops, Plymouth Rock.) The Pilgrims were in search of religious freedom, and not only accepted help from the Wampanoag tribe--local Native Americans--but intermarried with them over the next few generations because so many of the Pilgrim group died the first year after they arrived in 1620. Many members of the Pilgrims left Massuchusetts during the Puritan's religious purges, like the Salem Witch Trials, and went to Rhode Island. The English have a dynamic history of religious freedom, for example, William Tyndale who translated the Bible into the English language and was martyred as a rebel. We have religious freedom now due to this legacy. Thousands of Americans have genetic ties to the Pilgrims (DNA evidence now shows) and that information is something to treasure. Now we live the liberty for ourselves and offer it to others.

What kind of music did the Pilgrims play?
Plymouth Rock and Roll.

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks.

What do you call the dirt on a Pilgrim's hands?
Pilgrime.


 What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a spooky spirit?
A poultrygeist.


What's brown and white and flies all over?
A turkey when you carve it with a chainsaw.


How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
One, but you really have to squeeze him in.

Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose.

Why did the glutton get a traffic ticket on Thanksgiving?
He was exceeding the feed limit.

 Grandma: What would you like for dessert, Joey?
Joey: Pumpkin pie!
 Grandma: Pumpkin pie, what, dear? Say the magic word. 
Joey: I'm sorry, Grandma. Pumpkin pie, abracadabra!

 What is Math teachers favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner?
Pumpkin Pi.






Knock, knock, who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any leftovers?

What would you get if you crossed Easter and Thanksgiving?
Feaster Sunday.

What's the key to a great Thanksgiving?
A tur-key, of course.

This is my second favorite cheesy joke of all time.